Let me give you some reasons why you should meet your future partner “organically” as opposed to via specialized dating experiences.
Today I have come to an interesting realization. After watching a whole lot of relashionship reality shows, I understood one profound thing: when two people interact with the sole purpose of developing romance, in 99% of cases, it’s not going to work. Even if it works, it won’t last long.
I have certain reasoning to support the above point.
Just think about it: most people act differently when they are on camera (when someone is filming them) and when they are not. Also, most people act differently at work compared to how they act outside of work. Additionally, most people act differently when interacting with someone from whom they don’t need anything versus someone they want/like/depend on.
With that said, when two people meet with the goal of, maybe, starting a romantic relationship, they are subconsciously motivated to present a certain polished side of themselves. Also, many people have been burned by previous mistakes, so some may come across as cold and calculating. Others, on the other hand, may have been rejected in the past. So these people will try too hard to be liked by the other person. They will end up not being their authentic selves.
In this romancing game, most people are actors. It’s all complicated by the fact that there is usually some instinctive, natural attraction between people of opposite genders (who may or may not have incarnated in appropriate bodies.) So all these interactions that occur between people solely for the sake of romance are too superficial and one-sided.
I have come to believe that it is much better if romance happens “organically.” What I mean is when two people meet in any setting other than a dating reality show, or a dating app, or a dating anything. Let’s say, when people meet at work, or in college, or at a salsa dance club. Because those settings are conducive to people being fuller versions of themselves. So more of the person is revealed. Usually that leads to deeper and truer connections.
Oh, yes, and there is often a time window for when it’s most likely to happen. For example, younger people fall in love and start families right after college or soon after. That used to be very common. Nowadays, people prioritize their careers, personal growth, whatever – it is what it is – and it comes with its own drawbacks. We, as a society (and I mean mostly economically advanced countries where the average marital age has shifted to roughly late 30s), have not yet formed new ways of finding a partner “organically” after the first wave of taking a chance in our early 20s.
I heard this opinion from someone that the workplace is the best place to find a partner. These days, I tend to agree with that. Indeed, people spend a disproportionate amount of time at work. So the odds that you will get to know your colleague very, very well are super high.
My problem right now is that I’m now in an environment where most people marry rather early. So if I want a partner, I should move somewhere where that time window covers a different life period of a person.
So what do you guys think? What do you think is the reason people are disappointed in dating apps? Or are they?
(In my next post, I will probably talk about age inequality in relationships. Stay tuned!)
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